I'll tell you something, I reckon that there needs to be some sort of instruction manual on how to make a 999 call properly.
I've lost count of the number of times the call has gone like this:
Me: Police Emergency
Them: Can I have the police please
Me; certainly, I'll need to take some details
Them: Look, just get the police here now will you
Me: I can do that but I need to get some information from you
Them: Look it's important, get someone here NOW!!!
Me: I have no problem with that but I need you to tell me..
Them: Look if your not going to help then go fuck yourself (or some other such profanity) *click*
All this time not realising that the one piece of information I was wanting was where they were. Bit difficult to send someone to a location that you have no idea where it's happening.
So for those of you who may need to call 999 at any time, use these handy hints.
1) If at all possible, call from a landline. As soon as you hit that 3rd 9, we know precisely where you are. Triangulation of mobile phones is not perfect yet. In fact in one case the phone company said they were in Minehead, when the caller was actually in Porthcawl, wales.
2) When you say what service you want, shut the hell up. Your telephone number gets passed to the emergency service so should something happen to the line, we know what number to call you back on.
3) Know where you are. If you are out and about, try and know what street you are on. If you dont know what street you are on, try and find a shop or other such unique building nearby. Try not to use local terms for places. When people say "The Bath road, Bristol" they could be talking about any of a number of roads out of bristol.
4) Try and give details as to what is going on and the people involved. If you are describing a person, try to describe something unique about them. The number of calls I get on a saturday night where the offender is a male, wearing a dark top and jeans is astounding. It also describes just about every male out in town. Give us something abot him that few other people have.
5) same goes for cars as well. Whether you know whgat type of car is what does not matter. If you can tell us the colour that is great. The Registration number is perfect. A partial registration is good too, we do prefer you to give a partial index you know to be correct, than a full index you are not sure of. If you cant get any of them, again give something unique about the car. Dents, marks, scrapes, sounds, colours. Anything that makes it different from the other cars out there.
6) Dont scream down the phone "Why are the police not here already" when you have only been on the phone for 90 seconds. This is not hollywood, police cars still have travelling time even with the horns and lights.
7) Please give your information when asked. We may need to get further information. You don't need to worry about us giving your details onto anyone else. The only people that will use it is us.
8) If you are a major manufacturer of drugs, dont invite the officers in when you report a burglary. They tend to notice the large quantity of plants you've got hanging up to dry, just like some bloke did yesterday.
So there we go, thats my guide.